are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
