I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
