you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
