i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
