I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
