I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
please don't ironically join a cult
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