Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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