Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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