The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
