my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
