You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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