His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
