im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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