WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
