I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
