She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
