some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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