Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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