I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
