I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
