Nicole vs. Life
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
