We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
