so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
