Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
