can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Randomize
