Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
