is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
