My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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