I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
