She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
