I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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