so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
