Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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