Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
