He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
