I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
