so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
