OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
