You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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