girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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