i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you had me at cake vodka
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
