hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
