Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
