Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
