Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
