well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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