I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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