Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
