They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
