I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
